159. Real Talk – Abby Alten Schwartz
Words are powerful. They can inspire or wound. Unite or divide us.
When my daughter was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at 21 months, a well-meaning person suggested to me that we all come into this world with a spiritual contract to fulfill—one we choose before birth. I shut her down before she could continue down that thought path. You don’t tell a mother whose heart has been ripped open that her baby chose this. You just don’t.
Years later, with some distance, I was able to examine her beliefs in a more detached way. But in that moment, I filed it away with all the other bullshit platitudes people said to me: God doesn't give you more than you can handle. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Words like these are used not for connection, but for distancing—to make the person uttering them feel safer. What they are really saying is: This happened to you for a reason (which means it won’t happen to me). You will be better for it (so I don’t have to stand uncomfortably in the presence of your pain).
Here are some truths I have learned:
All situations can make you better for having experienced them. From each difficulty, we have the capacity to learn, to grow, to seek beauty, to turn our attention to the helpers (thank you, Mr. Rogers).
I have learned to look at life like a river. It constantly flows. There are bumps and rapids. Times you have to put all of your power into keeping your face out of the water long enough to gasp a breath, trying not to get pulverized against the rocks. Then there are calmer days, when you drift past lovely scenery, sharing laughter and happiness with the people you love.
Words are powerful. They can inspire or wound. Unite or divide us. I believe the right words at the right time can be a lifeline—not when we grab for clichés, but when we are brave enough to reach deep inside ourselves and speak from a place of vulnerability and truth.
– Abby Alten Schwartz
