56. Quaranterms
Ten words I never knew I needed:
Ten words I never knew I needed:
Going offgrid (v.) When hair removal hasn’t been conducted since March 9.
Prelapsarian (adj.) From the era before you cut your bangs with craft scissors.
Oscaroni! (n.) The homemade pasta that falls on the floor and is quickly devoured by the resident canine.
Gruntle (v.) The sound you make on day one of a free trial week of Zoom bootcamp and you’re horribly out of shape.
To pay the price (v.) When you sign up for a free trial of Zoom bootcamp, use it once, and forget to cancel.
Half-and-half (n.) The art of convincing yourself that an empty carton of coffee creamer constitutes an essential trip to the grocery store.
Hellflix (v.) To spend an hour debating over what movie to watch then falling asleep ten minutes in.
Vintage (adj.) Any article of clothing that has to be buttoned down, zipped up or is remotely figure-flattering.
Bacterial (adj.) The politically correct alternative for describing something that becomes wildly popular overnight.
The Quiet Rustle (n.) The act of perusing the pantry, but not out of hunger.
Prompt:
Compose ten neologisms inspired by the year 2020. They can be shorthand expressions you’ve been using when texting with friends and family. New coinages to describe novel quarantine behaviors. Old phrases that now hold new meaning. Outdated expressions from youth you’ve rediscovered since moving back in with your parents. Expletives that emerge from a primal place—ones you didn’t know could be unleashed by the presence of an unmasked stranger in the frozen foods.
Bonus: Slip your neologisms into as many conversations as possible today and see if they go… bacterial.
Abby Alten Schwartz
Location: Lansdale, Pennsylvania
About: Quaranterms captures the absurd and surreal experience of being in quarantine during a global pandemic. I can't believe I am even writing those words. Humor has always been my go-to for coping with stress. This fit the bill.
Age: 53
Online betting (n.) Simultaneously ordering two different brands of the same item because your supermarket does not allow substitutions.
Golden hairclippers (n.) The new purchase that simultaneously frees your husband from his biweekly hair salon expense and locks you in as his new stylist.
Quareverting (n.) When your 23-year-old daughter climbs into your bed every morning after your husband goes downstairs for breakfast.
Paranormal (adj.) Paranoid behavior that’s now normalized. Example: Washing and drying my groceries is a weekly paranormal activity in my house.
Covanity (n.) Paying attention only to your own image on a video conference to make sure your hair looks good and you aren’t sporting a double chin.
Neighboraphobia (n.) Fear of getting too close to people while walking in your neighborhood.
Introvantage (n.) The upside of being a homebody. Example: The fact that I enjoy watching TV with a knitting project gives me an introvantage over someone who is easily bored at home.
Denemy (n.) Jeans that have turned against you by magically shrinking in your absence.
Bummer (n.) The season that used to mean beach vacations, day trips to New York, outdoor events and Phillies games.
Ostrich (adj.) The status of one who refuses to open her financial statements in order to maintain plausible deniability of the current economy.
Andy Ng
Location: Brooklyn, NY
About: My life changed when I was finally able to meet up with my partner and his family during quarantine. First, I was actually able to see and interact with other people! So, these terms are a reflection of that welcome change.
Age: 27
what it used to be like
Hall squats (n): lunging squats that propel you from one end of the hall to the other because you’re not getting any other exercise in
Arf (?): the only way I know how to react to the dog constantly barking
Social agreement (n): the lengthy, round-about, are you sure tho? You don’t have to decide now type of conversations you have w/ others about your willingness to interact with each other and break social distancing
Carol Godette
Location: Saratoga Springs, New York
About: In non-pandemic times I am behind Hedi Jaouad in the coffee shop line but during this time I found the Isolation prompts to BE my morning coffee. This entry struck me as I am experiencing things I never imagined I’d see and certainly don’t have to vocabulary to describe this bizarre set of circumstances.
Age: 65
1. Zoomtigue: exhaustion after a series of virtual visits
2. Mastitis: The uncomfortable breathing that occurs after vigorously walking with your mask on
3. Telebad(adj.): Description of virtual dentist visit as you point to a hurting molar into your phone
4. Contactphobia: Fear of getting close to others
5. Clean off: Switching back-and-forth from Clorox to Lysol to see which cleans better
6. Chin warmer: how 1/2 of population has adapted the use of their mask
7. Orinaholic: my new evening obsession of backyard birdwatching with a glass of wine in hand
8. Virtual life: description of my daily existence: Virtual exercise class, followed by virtual friend visit, followed by virtually
babysitting my grandchildren for an hour and a half, to a virtual fundraiser in the evening
9. Out of the woodwork: Description of the number of long lost friends checking in
10. Netflixhuluathon:binge watching many subscription channels
Katie Wesolek
Location: Nashville, TN
Age: 35
Quaran-jeans - noun. Literally any pants, the stretchier the better
ex. I've been wearing the same quaran-jeans for so long they practically stand up on their own when I take them off to sleep.
Quaran-Tina Turner - noun. A state of being in which one's hair looks insane because one's hairbrush has been used solely as a microphone for bathroom karaoke
ex. I think I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth but then I just belted Lizzo's Good as Hell into my hairbrush and called it self care.
Rear Windowing - verb. Aggressively and openly watching one's neighbors for extended periods of time.
ex. John Oliver took the week off so instead of watching TV we just Rear Windowed those naked people across the street again.
Adult Summer Camping - verb. When one's living room becomes the Arts & Crafts Cabin, and maybe one also starts talking to a can of vegetables
ex. I was adult summer camping all day and I made some friendship bracelets, but then I remembered I have no friends except this can of green beans.
(see also Wet Hot American Adult Summer Camp, noun)
B.C. - adjective. abbreviation of Before Covid, which refers to the time prior to shit hitting the fan
ex. My B.C. commute used to take 45 minutes on the freeway but now I just walk from my kitchen to my desk.
Quaran-team - noun. Whomever or whatever provides a support system during one's lockdown. It may consist of a people, pets, plants, sourdough starters, books, shows, booze, vibrators, or some combination thereof.
ex. We've assembled a really strong quaran-team over here with the cat, a fully loaded Kindle, and a case of wine.
Managing up - verb. To parent one's own parents who fail to fully comprehend the risks attendant to their own aging bodies
ex. It's really above my pay grade to do this, but I think I have to manage up and ground my own parents so they stay the hell home.
Defragging your hard drive - verb. To accept that one's living space has become such a disaster there is no path forward other than to pause everything, return belongings to their proper place, and purge useless items.
ex. It took me 20 minutes to wade through the clutter and find the remote, so I broke down and defragged my hard drive.
Grey Gardens - noun. The state of a woman's hair after multiple months of root growth.
ex. I was past due for a hair appointment when lockdown started, now I've gone fully Grey Gardens up in here.
Frednesday - noun. Whatever the hell day it is.
ex. I dunno if I can make it to that family Zoom, I'm booked solid until next Frednesday.
Lorelle Mariel Murzello
Location: Mumbai, India
About: My name is Lorelle – I am a Teacher-educator, researcher, and writer from Mumbai, India. The Isolation Journals was this little window into my soul and helped me understand the (crazy!) world and my role in it through writing!
Age: 25
Work from home: A feeling of exploitation that begins as soon as you open/unlock your laptop/mobile device.
Nostalgia: The state of reminiscing fun had in the pre-pandemic era with pre-pandemic friends.
Fashion statement: That time when you felt like matching your PJs with your bedding pattern/color.
Lazy: The term used to describe your government’s attitude towards allocation of relief funds, migrant worker crisis etc.
Rich: The term used to describe a group of people who are able to reach “quarantine productivity” goals with their booming interests in learning the art of making Dalgona coffee.
Nature-walk: Your daily stroll to the balcony/living room.
Ms/mr/Mx Quarantina (Gender no bar): The term/title that will be used in the post-pandemic era to describe a person who has won the quarantine glow up contest.
Joy-ride: The term used to describe your movement from Facebook to Instagram to Twitter to LinkedIn to Facebook.
‘2019’: The term used to describe a person who takes something good for granted (Eg. “David stop being ungrateful for what you have, you’re such a 2019”).
“Greedy freebie has a fall”: The phrase used to taunt a person who downloads and signs up for all apps with free quarantine period trials, only to realize that their phone is hanging way too often.
Maggie Skorup
Location: New York, New York
About: This was one of the most fun prompts of the whole Isolation Journals journey for me! I typically doubt my creativity, but just sat with this one and words started pouring out and I immediately started sharing them with my "quaranteam". A lovely moment afterward, feeling the rush from creating and stepping into your creativity and thinking that you are the funniest human on the planet.
Age: 27
Dream Watch: convincing your quarantine partner to watch a show with you and then you are still asleep within 20 minutes.
Quaranteam: the people you choose, for better or for worse, to spend an undefined period of time with
Mask Tan Summer: the fearful realization that 2020 can only follow up “hot girl summer” with “mask tan summer”
Cravings by Quarantine: banana bread, end of story.
Vintage: anything pre-dating 2020 civilization.
Green screen: a sickness caused by too much time on zoom.