64. Relationships – Jon Batiste
Prompt:
Think about a time when you really hurt someone you love. What did it take for them to forgive you? In retrospect, how would you carry the burden of their pain better? Write a letter detailing the internal process you imagine they went through to arrive at a place of forgiveness and tell them how you will strive to carry their pain alongside them until it is resolved. If it feels right, consider sharing this letter with them.
Anonymous
True Confessions
When I was a boy, living in Oklahoma, my father wanted me to take up the mantel of Catholicism, to make my first communion which accepts you into the bosom of the holy mother church. Except my real mother was on the warpath, being a Baptist, and having had my brother denied a ride on a hay ride that was sponsored by the Massonic lodge. My father put his foot down and said no to devil worshipers or whatever they do in their all boys club. So we were at a conundrum... Except for my mother, in her vast wisdom, decided we should be exposed to all religions, and off we went to various churches on Sunday. I drank fruit juice and was called upon to witness for Christ; she only spared us from going to temple
My father being a good Irish Catholic wasn't going to be stymied. No, he had a plan. So one day he kidnapped me from school and whisked me down to the Catholic private school. Now, this was in Oklahoma, that place you seen in Broadway shows. Yep, that place with cowboys and Indians. The Catholic school was full of black and white kids, kind of exotic in those Jim Crow times.
Oklahoma, what a hoot, where the oil rigs were pumping in the parking lots of the capitol, and the only culture you got was a few traveling Broadway shows.
Hot in the summer, so hot the horny toads stayed in the shade - listless. And if it got cool that usually presage a twister, with the green light on the horizon, that would pass over the house if we were lucky. We lived in Tornado alley at the end of the runway, with aircraft going over us every day, and a sonic boom added to the excitement. My dad had been demoted to a Supply base, not very exciting, and my mother was in need of company, so she would take us to the base pool (when we weren't checking out churches) to lay in the sun and get cancer. Though no-one worried about that then. Not my mother's Indian heritage gave her an all over suntan, but for us Irish blooded types we were at risk. Luckily I took after my Cherokee ancestors.
My mother also got it into her head that I should learn how to swim, because she was hanging around the pool and party area, and had to leave me to my myself in the water. It wouldn't be seemly to have me drown while she enjoyed herself. So I was enrolled in class and I immediately fell in love with my swimming instructor. I must have been like 10 years old and she was @ 20 more or less and beautiful. To impress her I climbed the highest diving platform and plunged into the pool like a circus act, feet first. Down down into the chlorinated water, where I ended up at the bottom of the deep end, wondering what to do. Enjoying the calmness, and the coolness of it, before I sprang out to the relief of my teacher. I think she was impressed, one never knows for sure with women.
We finally got a pool of our own, in the back yard, where my brother lorded it over everyone. A spider in his web. We were more or less respectful of each other, he had his friends and me, I had a few. The doctor's son down the way, who had allergies. He couldn't go out, and slept on special pillows. We were always out in the stream looking for crawdaddies. Dirt up to our necks and never sick. Our immune systems were challenged, but the doctor's son was a bubble kid.
My brother was running around with wild kids who were getting into trouble and having to marry at 16. He was hauled out of a girl's bed once when a snoopy neighbour tattle tailed on him. I think it was the girl who was enterprising enough to loose her knickers. Nine times out of ten it is always the woman who proposes. I learned that later.
Once I had fallen causing me to have a huge bruise. The doctors gave me something that turned my piss blue. Unfortunately the school had an urine test the next day and I had to fill the cup up with blue stuff, and put a brave face on it, when turning mine in. To this day, I remember the face the volunteer mother gave me, when she looked at it.
My mother volunteered too. She asked my class to name the months of the years. I didn't know them to her ire. We soon put an end to that, as she drilled me over night. And the next day I knew them; never embarrass a narcissists image as a perfect mother.
The one thing I remember of my schooling in Oklahoma is the day we where in Gym and the blond girl - who was so cute - told us a 'dirty' joke. She told us about some mice who got lost in the bathroom and ducked into the water closet when a women walked in. Suddenly it got dark in the waters they were treading, and it rained and thundered (I could imagine) but along came a log and saved them. Get it, a log being a turd! I do remember following her around after that, as if I was a lost heifer and she was the mother cow. Mostly I was interested in her zipper on the back of her pants that kept coming down. She was ridding on a skateboard kind of thing, kneeling so that here ass was sticking out. To this day I remember being drawn to her behind as if it was a sirens call. And she kept pulling up her zipper. Testosterone and estrogen, yin and yang.
I remember watching a twilight zone TV show about aliens who gave a book to earth people, while they kept inviting the earthlings to come to their planet. At the end of the program they figure out what the title of the book means; How to Cook Earthlings. It scared the hell out of me and I asked my father to sleep with that night. I was looking for the person in my family I most trusted; my father, the drunk.
To get back to my father who had gotten permission to take me out of school and my promise of keeping it secret, I went with him downtown to the Catholic school where they were waiting for me, the lost lamb. I got a two day cram lesson in religion, and then had to go to confession. Oh boy that was a trip.
Priest. "Have you got anything to confess?”
Me. "No sir, I have never done anything wrong (this was before the blond girl and her tricky zipper)."
Priest, "you are to call me father."
Me, "But you aren't my father."
Priest, "Bejesus what kind of Catholic are you?'
Me, "I'm not a Catholic."
Priest, "What are they letting in here? Say a Hail Mary and do an act of contrition."
I ran out of the booth, wondering what contraction was, but glad I didn't have to do it, if I didn't know what it was...
The rest was a fog, except my mother's ire at finding out what my father had done.
I guess lying is a sin?
I guess I should be sorry about following around the blond - so sorry I am - especially after the me too movement.
Flynn
Location: Stuart, Florida
About: More SinkCoffiti, art originally created with coffee and then photography.
Age: 58
I am very quick to apologize when I've made a mistake. I know that there are people who I have hurt in my life, and I have always apologized when I have done so.
Honestly, I couldn't think of anyone who I feel I owe an apology to.
This is a bit of a different....case?
64: Mea Culpa
Dear Pillow,
First, I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You've been nothing but kind to me, always ready--day or night--whenever I need you.
(And, to be sure--and no offense--I think your other side is even cooler. Seriously. I couldn't ask for more!)
I know of late that the heavy weight of the thoughts inside my head have to make you uncomfortable. In fact, it isn't lost on me that I'm crushing you. I see the state that you're in every time I leave you.
I give you my word that I'll try harder to lighten up and to ease this heavy burden I've been placing on you. If there's anything I can do, I'll do it. I give you my word.
I think it'll be good for the both of us.
I'm so very, very sorry. Please forgive me.
Fluff always,
Flynn
PS: I'm also sorry about the occasional drool. I know it's kinda gross, but, please believe me, it isn't intentional.