106. This Is Me... – Rebecca Rebouché
As disorienting as it is to move through a cloud, emerging from it is thrilling. Suddenly you can see what was there all along but shrouded.
I recently went through a breakup. I felt engulfed by it, like a cloud of heartbreak surrounded me, and it was hard to imagine it would ever lift. But I kept telling myself, I’m more than this present experience—something that, on a global scale, we’re all having to remind ourselves. A cloud of uncertainty, fear, and loss hangs all around us; it’s hard to see forward or back, left or right.
A few years ago I was traveling solo around the Iberian Peninsula, and I spent three weeks on various islands in the Azores. On Pico, I rented a scooter, packed my little paint set, and spent a day exploring the volcanic landscape, navigating the mountains with a hopeless paper map and no cell signal. I went hours without seeing another human, and it was humbling how many times I got lost, how often I stopped among cows and horses to consult my map.
Then there were the moments where I was so high up in the mountains that the dense cloud cover settled across the ground, engulfing everything. When I entered a cloud, the fluffy white fog was so dense I could only see what was immediately in front of me. I slowed down and puttered through, hoping I wouldn’t drive off the road.
I recorded many video diaries that day, all beginning with the words, “This is me…” This is me lost again. This is me turning around. This is me stopping for a snack. This is me in a cloud. At the time, these diaries seemed silly, but now I cherish them because they remind me of a time I was alone, and lost, but in the middle of an adventure. They remind me that, as disorienting as it is to move through a cloud, emerging from it is thrilling. Suddenly you can see what was there all along but shrouded. The unknown becomes known—the mountains and the ocean and the lush green fields all revealed in sharp and vivid detail.
– Rebecca Rebouché
Prompt:
What is the cloud that surrounds you now? Write about a situation or feeling that’s so all encompassing it’s hard to see forward or back, left or right.
If you’d like, use the refrain “This is me…” to anchor yourself in the present moment and describe the experience in concrete detail.
Annette Aghazarian
Location: Montreal, Canada
About: I love music, photography and writing. I want to use the rest of my life to be more creative and productive but this pandemic has me worried that I’ve run out of time and chances.
Age: 53
This is me...at 53
(I always loved a good rhyme.)
I never expected to be unemployed and broke at this age. I alternate between feeling lost and hopeless and simply thankful to be safe and healthy.
I know that everything is temporary and I have experienced my fair share of ups and downs but it’s this bloody uncertainty that I cannot shake off.
Uncertainty has me in its clutches. Its talons dig into the nape of my neck as I limply hang, occasionally swinging my floppy limbs. Sometimes I’m above an icy lake and sometimes a dark volcano.
I’m going to start a new career, I’m going to write a book, I will spend the rest of my life creating art and beauty and positivity. I’m going to exercise more and eat better and be more conscious of my behavior. My family will be so proud of me and everyone will love me.
How the hell am I supposed to pay my bills? Who’s going to hire me now at this age? What have I accomplished in my life? What kind of role model am I to my son? Why did I waste so much time? What is the point anyways? Is it too late?
Is it?
