107. Garlic for the Energy Vampires
Once you’ve hit that place, it’s difficult to pull yourself out—not only to do the things that make you feel better, but also to think of what might help.
In the middle of writing Between Two Kingdoms, I got to spend three months as a writer in residence at Jack Kerouac’s bungalow in Orlando. Florida being Florida, it was swampy and hot, and the house was all 50s decor, haphazardly furnished with Jack’s shit—like the armchair in the office where, as rumor goes, he sat and drank himself to death.
Soon after I arrived, I learned I was to have frequent visitors. Kerouac pilgrims showed up at all hours to pay homage and to peer into the windows. Once I took Oscar out for a walk, and I came back to find a man sitting in my living room. I was terrified—I thought he was going to murder me. But he simply asked, “What time does the museum tour start?”
At residencies, there’s often a self-imposed pressure to be hyperproductive, despite such external distractions, despite any demons you’re wrangling on the page. You expect to be more prolific than you’ve ever been before.
I was certain I was going to finish the first draft of my book, but I found myself despairing that I would make any progress at all. I would wake up and pretend I hadn’t, trying to go back to sleep. I would work hard for a few days and then lose momentum. I wrote forty pages and had to toss them. I reached a point each afternoon that wasn’t normal sluggishness. I was depleted, drained, or as Jon says—“done.”
Once you’ve hit that place, it’s difficult to pull yourself out—not only to do the things that make you feel better, but also to think of what might help. So one day I sat down and made a list:
Energy Multipliers
3 pp of journaling
A long walk with Oscar
Reveling in the gorgeousness of the ocean
A very long, very hot bath
Call Lizzie / Lily / Melissa / Mom
Turn off phone & read read read
Red wine and The Alexandria Quartet
Rearrange furniture
Cook bucatini all’Amatriciana
Frank Conroy’s prologue to Stop-Time
Make a care package for a beloved
Clean sheets
TAKE A NAP
I kept the list tacked above my desk. Anytime I felt low down, I would scan my finger along the options and choose one.
– Suleika
